BREAK POINT

20th October 2016, It’s 12:36 pm I return from the ward and realize I have 3 written assignments to complete, each demanding at least 3 hours to be completed. An untouched project work hiding in my locker plus a reading assignment .. I have a class in the next 25mins but I don’t know how many hours I’m sitting in – might last 2 hours or more.

I’m so hungry I could eat a whale if it was served with rice on a plate. My head keeps pounding probably from the nap I had the previous night. I feel dizzy, the blood vessels in my eyes are visibly pulsating, the carotid arteries in my neck keep hitting hard that my head bobs up and down.

I look up to the skies and wonder where my help would come from? How am I to face this journey alone? A few months to go until med school is over however our interactions with our lecturers always end in tears.

Sleep keeps giving up on me. My body tells me to read more because I know less. My head reminds I have to continually read but my mind says “I’m done for!”.The spirit is willing but the flesh is very weak. I need Your strength because I’m breaking down. I thought I had everything under control when the semester started 3 weeks ago. Why the sudden twist? I’m weak Lord!

Then, I saw a Good News Bible just beside a pillow which appeared to be mine.I realize it’s been a while I read it, been a while I heard God’s voice. Am I ready to communicate with Him? I need strength!.

He then says

I know I have strength to face any difficulty that comes my way. I’m writing my name in bold at the bottom of a blank sheet and handing it to You Lord, to fill in. No matter what obstacle you have to overcome, just lose hold of the grip at the end of the rope and leave everything in God’s hands and I know He would never let you down.

I want to cultivate a deep sense of gratitude, of groundedness, of enough, even while I’m longing for something more. The longing and the gratitude, both. I’m practicing believing that God knows more than I know, that he sees what I can’t, that he’s weaving a future I can’t even imagine from where I stand.

Don’t give up!