BUILDING ENDURANCE

It’s 12:31 am, the 29th of November, I’m awake because I cannot sleep. Well I haven’t really slept very well for a week because the burden feels heavy, the baggage? bigger! “Come to me, all you who are burdened and I will give you rest” Right now, I feel God is talking to me than ever before.

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It all began some weeks ago when Grandpa was rushed to the hospital because he kept vomiting blood. The diagnosis we least expected was a liver cirrhosis. A liver cirrhosis is a condition where your liver gradually deteriorates it gets to the point, your body pulverizes! The benefits of having a healthy liver is immeasurable.

When you are in the medical practice, the least thing you can presage is a miracle because prognosis would hit you right in the head with reality. But miracles do happen. There are success stories!
I had to visit him every day to ensure He was okay. There was one day I almost broke into tears when he held my hand, closed his eyes and whispered to me He was suffering, He wanted to relinquish life. 90 years of life was a developmental breakthrough.
I wasn’t in any position to decide this but the human reaction to that is to reassure. He was admitted for a week. From a Sunday to a Sunday, until His soul passed on. Rest in Peace, Grandpa. I know you are beaming with smiles in the bosom of the Father.

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Next, Mum wasn’t feeling well. The connection to her father was just amazing. The drugs she was taking didn’t seem to work. She was down hearted. “You need a positive attitude and a tinge of optimism before you can receive healing”. She was taking an antibiotic but she kept coughing incessantly. Well, she is okay now.
Next, my Auntie was admitted with a diagnosis of diabetic ketoacidosis. A complication of diabetes mellitus. She defaulted her drugs; so suffered an episode of vomiting and abdominal pain which led to her incarceration in the hospital. I had to visit her to cross check her diet and medications just to make sure everything was fine and in place. She was discharged the next two days.
The next target were my puppies, 9 of them started losing weight even though their appetite was enough. One would think of hyperthyroidism but that leaves the question: Do dogs have thyroid glands? A verterinary officer was called upon to impinge them with antibiotics however we lost two of them.

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Then, there are lots of rehearsals which kept draining my little energy left. I feel I have to declutter my life but absolutely there’s no chaff.
My sleeping and eating habits were affected because I was thinking too much and surprisingly, learning too much. Too much because I’ve never learnt like this my entire life. I think I don’t open up to people because I have realized bearing and dealing with your problems alone is a sign of strength. It feels like slipping down a muddy wall on your way to the top. There’s no stepping block to hitch on.
The sun rises and fall, the wind waxes and wanes and the rains beat and fleet but God still reigns and rules.
Just 2 days ago, a mentor and friend. Mr Joseph Dante visited me in school. Coincidentally, we met at the school’s entrance just as, I returned from home. I wondered why he visited but It looked like He had been sent from above. He had a message.
He encouraged me to keep up the good fight. “As a Christian, a lot of challenges come your way to build you up and make you strong. To make you soar while the others lope and faint. Sorrow may last for a night but joy comes in the morning.”
So, I would keep leaning on you, God no matter what. Just give me the strength to endure this period because I believe there’s light at the end of this dark tunnel.

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God… and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father in Heaven” – Orson F. Whitney

Have a blessed day!

BREAK POINT

20th October 2016, It’s 12:36 pm I return from the ward and realize I have 3 written assignments to complete, each demanding at least 3 hours to be completed. An untouched project work hiding in my locker plus a reading assignment .. I have a class in the next 25mins but I don’t know how many hours I’m sitting in – might last 2 hours or more.


I’m so hungry I could eat a whale if it was served with rice on a plate. My head keeps pounding probably from the nap I had the previous night. I feel dizzy, the blood vessels in my eyes are visibly pulsating, the carotid arteries in my neck keep hitting hard that my head bobs up and down.

I look up to the skies and wonder where my help would come from? How am I to face this journey alone? A few months to go until med school is over however our interactions with our lecturers always end in tears.

Sleep keeps giving up on me. My body tells me to read more because I know less. My head reminds I have to continually read but my mind says “I’m done for!”.The spirit is willing but the flesh is very weak. I need Your strength because I’m breaking down. I thought I had everything under control when the semester started 3 weeks ago. Why the sudden twist? I’m weak Lord!

Then, I saw a Good News Bible just beside a pillow which appeared to be mine.I realize it’s been a while I read it, been a while I heard God’s voice. Am I ready to communicate with Him? I need strength!.

He then says


I know I have strength to face any difficulty that comes my way. I’m writing my name in bold at the bottom of a blank sheet and handing it to You Lord, to fill in. No matter what obstacle you have to overcome, just lose hold of the grip at the end of the rope and leave everything in God’s hands and I know He would never let you down.

I want to cultivate a deep sense of gratitude, of groundedness, of enough, even while I’m longing for something more. The longing and the gratitude, both. I’m practicing believing that God knows more than I know, that he sees what I can’t, that he’s weaving a future I can’t even imagine from where I stand.

Don’t give up!